Cutting Words

1. Published: There were no hotels open by the time the storm hit. (11 words)
Tighter: During the storm, all hotels were full.
2. Published: For those patients in whom the cancer has spread from the pancreas, as was true in Doe's case, there is no cure. (22 words)
Tighter: Patients with pancreatic cancer, like Doe's case, cannot be cured.
3. Published: Students enroll for their convenience and flexibility. Since their computer is their classroom, students don't have to live anywhere near campus. And since the classes are tailored for working adults, they are offered during the evenings and on weekends. (39 words)
Tighter: Students enroll for their convenience and flexibility. Since their computer is their classroom, students don't have to live near campus. And since the classes are tailored for working adults, they are offered during the evenings and on weekends
4. Published: Doe is not married. (4 words)
Tighter: Doe is unwed.
5. Published: He now practices with the law firm of Doe, Roe, Woe and Hoe. (13 words)
Tighter: He practices with the law firm of Doe, Roe, Woe and Hoe. (13 words)
6. Published: "The board took advantage of an opportunity to expand the incentive to remediate students in science and social studies," board President John Doe said at a meeting at the Olympia School for the Deaf and Blind. "It's apparent that the Remediation and Recovery program has been very successful with respect to English and math."
Several superintendents of local school divisions had complained to state education officials that some of their schools were being penalized for letting their students retake SOL tests they had failed. (85 words)
Tighter: "The board took advantage of an opportunity to expand the incentive to remediate students in science and social studies," board President John Doe said at the Olympia School for the Deaf and Blind meeting. "It's apparent that the Remediation and Recovery program has been very successful with respect to English and math."Superintendents of local schools complained to education officials that schools were being penalized for allowing students retake SOL tests they had failed.
7. Published: That conviction was overturned by an appeals court. (8 words)
Tighter: An appeals court overturned that conviction.
8. Published: He has been endorsed by many law enforcement officers in the district. (12 words)
Tighter: Police officers in the district endorsed him.
9. Published: Roe also utilizes film sessions to study other teams' punters. (10 words)
Tighter: Roe studies opponent's punters.
10. Published: In last year's presidential election, voters living in the seven localities that make up the district cast 62 percent of their ballots for Republican George W. Bush. (27 words)
Tighter: 62 percent of voters from the seven localities that make up the district voted for George W. Bush last year.
11. Published: Doe makes his home in Moscow. (6 words)
Tighter: Doe lives in Moscow.
12. Published: But there are times that a witness or a victim will be handed a stack of photos. (17 words)
Tighter: Sometimes Police hand a witness or a victim a stack of photos.
13. Published: A retirement community is needed in the area because many lifelong residents are having to leave Pullman to find a home that suits their needs, Rita Roe said. (28 words)
Tighter: Lifelong Pullman residents need a retirement community in the area so they are not forced to leave to find home, Rita Roe said.
14. Published: Whig John Doe was declared the victor in the race for governor last night, ending eight years of Tory control of the Executive Mansion. (25 words)
Tighter: Whig John Doe won the race for governor last night, ending eight years of Tory's control of the Executive Mansion.
15. Published: To make up for little news coverage, they spent several million dollars on television advertising to get out their messages. (20 words)
Tighter: The company spent several million dollars on television advertising to make up for little news coverage.